It's never just...a new desk

It's never just that a decision I make is either the first or the last word. Visually consider it bookended by a long non-linear lead up to ultimately trail off infinitely in branching complications.

My goal is to grasp the meta - boom, it's a project - but no matter the planning according to no matter the ACRONYM or self-help school, I  am enmeshed in the micro.

And focusing as hard as I can on just one thing - let's say, refurnishing my study - trying to be very good and focused because that's how things get done, one thing etc. - and mostly succeeding via adrenaline amped by hired organizer and my need to both show her I get her vibe and respect her unbranded taste, also being incapable of imagining what else I could use her for after she'd spent our time and her busy energy re-styling my kitchen open shelves into a chaotic, inefficient shelf-scapes wherein our napkins were rolled and arrayed in the salad bowl, Ruslan's grandparent's decorative tea service was un-trayed and its parts used in vignettes with mason jars and our daily tableware rehoused out of plane sight.

So it seemed like the professional house organizer's skillset might not be in the master planning I'd hoped for, and we'd babbled ourself in too deep to keep it professional (our kids learning differences, calls from daughter doing college essays) so I went with the "easy order" and with lead times a few months off reckoned I could not think about my study and it's massive overhaul for some time.

Its design did, however, demand more begin AND end work than I'd been accustomed to - so I did buckle down to design the shelving, desk uber-system with the a Vitsoe expert who plugged in my every new idea/direction and promptly served up a new sketch and shopping list. She kept me on course so when we arrived at a seemingly workable design a few weeks hence, neither pricier/cheaper no more complex/rudimentary than the original idea, Ms. Vitsoe never faltered - she led me to payment without losing me (my interest, my open tabs, my measurements, my inspirations, my competing shelving ideas on Chairish, Kaiyo, Etsy, Apt Deco along with Remodelista's recommendations,,,) and so it was that the system was ordered and I waited for the Dieter Rams' acolytes to birth my system.

In light of my then very new ADHD diagnosis, my strategy was to balance my gut's call - in this case the VITSOE desk/shelf system, a classic of masterclass in good design from the land and era of functionality's true golden age - because maybe my ADHD meant I owed myself the clarity of this classic, having place-holdered my needs for a decade with crap filing cabinets supporting 2 narrow closet doors for my desktop, for long enough, that I was simply collecting on what was mine anyway, My gut (I think) told me I'd arrived at a place of worthiness.

I assume other mid-lifers' explanation for their new car/wife/life run along similar lines.

I also believed I'd offset the gross entitlement of a desk costing more than 2 month's rent, with my weeks of research and measurements, comparison shopping and constant self-questioning. This amount of un-impulsiveness surely took the "gross" out of the entitlement as my adult-like thoughtful decision-making little resembled my younger self.

I'd met my ADHD and showed it a trick or two. My late life diagnosis? Just meant I was that much wiser to the machinations of these popular diagnoses.